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Sunrise over the land bridge: Marrowstone Island, Olympus Digital

Today is the last day before Passover.

Now, I’m not going to talk about the religious holiday, or about any other religious holiday (I have a long history of Easter baskets in the bathtub). But I have been ruminating on the themes of Passover as I am cleaning the house and removing all chametz, the grains, pulses, legumes, and other food prohibited during the week to come.

So, fundamentally, the Passover story is about exodus. It is about leaving a place you have been settled for generations and going out into the wild unknown and forging a new path for yourself.

This is exactly what my life is about these days.

I do not believe it is a coincidence that Passover falls during week 4 of Mondo Beyondo. No chance that it is an accident. This is the week when I am feeling a lull, feeling completely overwhelmed, feeling a giant scream rising in my throat.

How do I do this all??? What am I doing??? AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*It was a bit better in my sun porch, but you get the idea.*

See, I have this list of dreams. And I have others which have come up since I wrote this list. And I can see that there are all these things I want in my life. And I don’t know how to proceed. I wrote last week about searching for my path, but this struggle is deeper than just finding focus.

I am executing my own personal exodus.

I have spent the time since I became unemployed {once I got out of my own way and accepted reality – another story} searching for meaning in my life. Searching for the truths of my soul. And wanting to live by those truths, those values, alone. To not make actions counter to my core beliefs. To not break my own promises to my self. Breaking down all of the old beliefs, the previous safety nets, which had for so long kept me alive, but are now killing me.

I am leaving behind everything about my old life, everything which is not healthy, no longer serving me, or critical to my core values and beliefs.

I’m headed for the desert. Really.

So, I know a week isn’t the same as wandering for 40 days, but I’m going to do my best. This week I’m going to be gentle with myself as I strip off the layers of slavery and unauthentic goober which has become a part of my skin, my cells, my soul. I’m going to really pay attention to my authentic self, the quiet voice inside my heart which has been screaming for attention for years.

I’m going to acknowledge what is mine.
I’m going to release that which no longer serves me.
I’m going to accept the love and generosity that surrounds me.
I’m going to realize the incredible power of my own being.

And, through this all, I’m going to cook Passover food like a mad woman,. Because cooking really does give me a profound sense of peace. I often get some of my best ideas in the kitchen.

And perhaps, in releasing all of these things, and traveling deeper into my own existence, I will find the answers I am seeking, the ways and means for fulfilling my Mondo Beyondo desires. Because right now, I could use some guidance on that one. It seems the primary hang-up is money. I need an answer for that one. I’m open to suggestions.