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Sometimes, stepping into the unknown is a wonderful feeling, full of excitement and mystery and amazement and joy. It’s like swimming in silk, or diving into bubbles. It’s purest bliss.

And sometimes, heading into the unknown is terrifying, frightening, shocking, scary, and down right painful. It clenches your jaw, twists your belly into macrame braids, creates unsightly stains in your armpits, and causes all the hairs on your forehead to mat down in sweating blech.

That’s the kind of stepping I’m doing today. I have spent the last several years dreaming about, planning in my head, considering, plotting, drafting, engaging, and all but creating a website and writing workshop. I was stuck, stuck in old tapes and negative beliefs and patterns of failure so deeply I had absolutely NO confidence remaining. I couldn’t get off my arse and do the one thing I talked about consistently and wanted with every cell of my being.

Until today.

I’ve felt it coming for a while now, like riding in a kayak toward a waterfall — you can hear the rushing water but don’t really know what it means, and when you do realize all you can do is fight like hell to paddle backward. At some point, you just have to surrender. Maybe not in a kayak headed for a waterfall, but in life. You have to just let go of the fear by embracing it. Hug it tight to your chest, like a pillow, and dive. You will never land EXACTLY where you had hoped or expected, but you will land.

Today, after weeks of nudges from loving friends and weeks of indicators courtesy of the Universe, I bought a domain and hosting. For MY website. The one I have been planning and dreaming and plotting and crafting all this time. The website designed to help me follow MY dreams, follow my bliss, and share with others the skills to follow their bliss. Might not seem like I’m the best person for sharing with others tools for bliss-following. but who else can speak to my knowledge and experience?

No one. Really. I am the only person with my voice and unique perspective.

So, here I go, off into the unknown. I mean, the really unknown, filled with scripts and ftp’s and platforms and things I only ever glossed over in text books. I am swimming in a river of acronyms and ideas I can only barely comprehend. It’s a wonder I’m still upright. But I’m here. And I’m determined.

And I have faced the biggest demon of all: self-doubt.