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Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

I just opened my computer to write this post.

Almost an hour ago.

I checked my email, caught up on Twitter, sent a few replies to questions about my workshop, changed the playlist 4 times, caught up on my calendar, and then remembered I had this blog post open.

This is only the tip of my ability to distract and delude myself. It is the most detrimental activity I can do, as it muddies the clear stream of thought I bring to my desk each morning. I find I have no restraint or even management of my …

I literally couldn’t finish typing the above sentence without getting up to reheat my tea, renewing some library books, and responding to a few tweets I caught on my Tweetdeck notifier box. Seriously. And then I went and researched a knitting pattern I have been wanting to try. For an hour.

Perhaps this isn’t just a matter of distraction. Perhaps this is about commitment.

Committing to the stories hiding in my heart. Committing to the stories which are asking to be told. Committing to the stories that frighten me, that anger me, that terrify me should I tell them. Committing to making the words be my primary relationship.

Committing to making ME my primary relationship.

For most of my life, my needs have been made secondary to all others, including: family, friends, children in need (across the globe), the planet, work, school … The list continues. It seems that somewhere along the way, no one taught me that is was OKAY to have needs, and  — this is the most important part — that I was ABLE to meet them. In my family, it seemed that certain people’s needs were always put first, and so I learned by watching (and feeling) that it wasn’t okay to think about my needs.

I think about the choices I made as a teen: cutting, anorexia, suicide attempts, long aimless poems used as cries for help; none of it seemed to matter. It wasn’t until a stint in the hospital got the attention of those around me that I finally was noticed. That my needs became important.

I no longer believe that it should take a crisis to be noticed, that I should be quiet and not talk about my needs until a tipping point is reached. I learned (though am still uncertain how) that my needs are my needs, they can’t be ignored or denied, and I am responsible for meeting those needs. I learned that it is okay to say no to someone when doing it hurts, because saying yes would hurt even more.

I’m no guru.
I’m not even a great.
I’m a woman who is striving for wholeness.
For needs met.
For wounds healed.
For strength and love and wisdom and honor.
For integrity.

Today, I am a woman who loves herself.
Today, I am a woman who is committed to herself.
Today, I am a writer, a teacher, a dreamer, a Creatrix.
Today, I am a focused, dedicated woman.

Today, I step into the long and beautiful journey of making the needs of my heart my first priority.

Today, I am committed living my life fully, to engaging with my path, and to birthing the gifts I am bringing to the Universe.

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